Happy Christmas!
or as the others might say, Kwanzaa, Chanukkah, Imperial birthday etc etc
Carried away by a combination of the mystagogical gospel of saint John, some travel, a chat with a friend about the pleasures of gin and some directed readings in cultural otherness, I thought I might put quill to paper and pander to the demands of the general public. Just to underline: today’s ranting has nothing to do with the fact that it’s the third day of Christmas, all the family are hormonal or absent, and that I have replaced turkey-only diet of the preceding days with a caffeine-only intake with resultant shaking and anger at random, self-professed innocent by-standers (feast of Holy Innocents tomorrow).
Being deeply foreign myself it’s no stretch for me to put myself in the shoes of others. London may have been my home since university, but deep within me the continent has stamped itself on both my genome and phenotype harder than the Chinese would have stamped their heels on me had I stood in their way of fulfilling their a> post-Christmas shopping lunacy at Selfridges yesterday.
Living in this melting pot the opportunities to sample, get exposure to and be inflicted by a multitude of different cultures are endless. Some of the major reasons people are drawn here are the cosmopolitan nature of the place, embracing all and rebuking none. You can be a punk, a faux-edwardian young fogie or a herbivore man a> (I kid you not). No one cares. Perhaps more accurately, no one has the energy to spend on anything but the most outlandish otherness. The cornucopia of bat crap crazy that is the capital won’t allow you to both comment veering worthy of comment and hold a full time job, which is just as well as the sort of person London appeals to is the inclusive, privacy-yearning, gently self-centered and most likely Guardian-reading wisecrack who could not see themselves living anywhere else, barring the nice parts of New York or possibly Singapore, depending on one’s natural aptitude in language and degree of jaundice.
It occurs to me – and I’m certain to many others – that this relativism, live and let live attitude itself is highly discriminating against those of us whose favourite pastimes include the investigation, if not ridicule, of the other. Just like relativism itself is tyrannically absolutist, the cultural diktats of those insisting on the wonders of mixing and matching are no less severe. Emboldened by this, perhaps it isn’t entirely forbidden to consider what, if any, measures might be appropriate to bear upon the discussion of cultural comparisons.
I will take it for granted that everyone will defend to the last breath their own family, faith and fatherland whatever form these take. For it matters not a jot whether a vegan lesbian single mother, an Alaskan lumberjack and a part-time butcher, a boutique maiden on King’s road or a chieftain of a tribe in deepest darkest forests of Rhodesia: our common humanity expresses itself in many ways, but no other is as strong as the need to be right about our basic, most fundamental and closely-held beliefs. And these themselves vary from universalist demagoguery to the absolute rule of a modern day paterfamilias, insistent that the household is run a particular way lest the heavens collapse upon us all. The flower-hatted ladies insisting on equal opportunities for the least equal are no less guilty than are the hand-chopping caliphs; the rationalisations can rely on considerations of public hygiene or the universal declaration of rights, there is little difference.
(It is perhaps opportune at this junction to highlight no value judgement is being made between the chieftain and the Islington social worker. Not yet anyway.)
Narrowing down our gaze to evaluations of cultures, a multitude of categories make themselves available. We could consider aspects such as education, advancement of science, promotion of the life of the intellect and deference to wisdom. Or we might consider material wealth, well being, levels of nourishment or indicators of health in the lowest quadrant of the society. Nothing stops us from considering military prowess, ability to project power and negotiate with others cultures/countries from a position of advantage and privilege. And by making the criteria even more specific (and to highlight the point I am making to caricaturial proportions) we might as well considering whether our subject abides by the Noahide laws, is shariah compliance, health and safety conscious or what the levels of discoverable female beauty in the population average are.
Sartre writes interestingly about the nature of decision-making and the human condition, the solitary state in which we find ourselves. No one can make our life choices for us; even when asking advice we have already prejudged the advice giver or the weight we put on the guidance received. Similarly our choices of the measuring yard employed for considering cultural differences, relative goodness/badness or any other value-laden aspect of comparison say more about ourselves than the cultures under microscope. But why should that stop anyone? It requires a level of insecurity only a multicultural mantra of perfect relativism could instil in a person to refuse from making such judgements. I hold my preference for roast beef over fish cakes, freedom to deprivation of liberty, blue to any shade of purple very close to my heart indeed.
The trivial examples are not to imply the preferences are irrational, accidental or unconsidered. They’re not based solely on personal tastes, though that can’t be considered an invalid basis for preference, just not one that easily avails in a collective effort of prioritisation. (Suggesting everyone within the borders of Westminster council wear blue jumpers is qualitatively different from believing everyone should be entitled to integrity of life, where the latter contains more than just rights to wear whatever jumper. )
For ease of progress, let’s assume “culture” renders itself available for analysis by way of sufficient monolithicism at the level at which we whose to observe and compare (e.g. Japanese culture, or cultural conventions in the UK, or – horribile dictu – lifestyle in Italy.
Notwithstanding all the missing prolegomena, apologies and excuses, it might be instructive to think of (arbitrarily) four categories to choose and consider the results. No doubt one’s own preferences will constitute the ultimate judgement on the effectiveness of the measures. What would the results be, if we considered four rather familiar sounding, even lofty ideals to measure societal/cultural/lifestyle supremacy.
- Set One – called
Ex Tabula
1. Value placed on human life
2. Personal and corporate honesty, truthfulness
3. Integrity and protection of private ownership
4. Treatment of the elderly, weakest members of society
- Set Two – called
Ex Oriente
1. Obedience and loyalty – viz. State, family, employment
2. Filial piety, duties towards one’s family piously performed
3. Civic virtues (respect for the constitution of the state, partaking in military service etc)
4. Conformity with tradition
- Set Three – called
Ex Impietate
1. Extension of allegiance, support and love to fellow citizens
2. Denying or reversing above qualities for ‘non-citizens’
3. Conforming to cultural homogeneity (speech, outfit, outlook and creed)
4. The consumption of wonderful curries
Have a go. See if you can subject a couple of your preconceptions to the test and put a couple of cultures to this trial. See how Athens fairs against Sparta, Britain against Cuba or how the modern Milanese fair against their ancestors of renaissance times. And once the fun has ended, consider what and in which order would go on your list, perhaps less flippantly restricted and constructed. Are there values which you would never want to appear on your list? What sort of a person would it make one who considers all similar metrics equal in value?
Undoubtedly, more on cultural imperialism coming soon. Until then, enjoy the Christmastide!
P.s. Apologies for the piss poor formatting. Who knew the iPad was so inflexible!






















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